What I've Done
by xAllxShexWrotex
Summary: When Lily hears people talking about her, her insecurities increase tenfold. Now, she's determined to make Oliver and everyone else like her...no matter what it takes. T for bulemiaanorexia. LOLIVER.
1. At Least I Hoped

"Hey Lily," a voice rang in my ear. I whipped around to find Derick, Miley's new boyfriend, smiling at me.

"Hey Derick," I replied. "What's up?"

"Wanna hang at the beach after school? Miley has to do some sort of family thing and Oliver said he's going on a date with Emily, so I guess it's just the two of us."

I felt a pang in my stomach at the mention of Oliver dating Emily, a girl who had been vicious to me ever since she started liking my aforementioned best friend.

"Sure," I shrugged. "We can go hang out at Rico's."

I met up with him at the shack, and we talked to Jackson for a while. Jackson had always been cold toward all of Miley's boyfriends, but he thought something was "off" about Derick, and could barely even stay civil. I cast Jackson a warning look as he glared openly at the brunette boy. He sighed and shrugged, telling me he would leave Miley's boyfriend alone…for now.

After we got some food, he led me over to where I always sat with Miley and Oliver. After talking and laughing for a while, he suddenly starting leaning closer to me. I looked at him oddly, but he continued his motions forward. I started shrinking back, until was completely against the back of my chair and he was completely on top of me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked nervously.

"Something I've wanted to do for a long time," he said, grinning sickly. He kissed me, hard, and I struggled to get away from him. Derick finally pulled away as a hurt voice gasped.

"What in the hell is going on here?" Miley screamed, drawing the attention of everyone in the area, especially people who knew us.

"Miley! It isn't what it looked like!" I hurried to explain, but she growled and turned to me and her pig of a boyfriend.

"Oh don't give me that!" she snapped. "And Derick, what the hell were you thinking? She's not even pretty!"

I gasped, wounded. Miley knew all about my insecurities, and she was shoving them back in my face without even letting me explain.

"He forced himself on me, Miley!" I shouted back, my voice becoming thick with tears.

"Shut up, you fatass whore! As if _anyone _would want _you! _You're ugly, you're fat, and you act like an effing guy all the time!" Miley sneered. Jackson leapt over the counter and rushed between us.

"Miley, Lily's telling the truth!" Jackson yelled. "I saw the whole thing!"

"So did I," said Saint Sara. There was no way that anyone could ever accuse Sara of lying, and Miley instantly looked apologetic.

"Lils, you know I didn't mean it, right?" she grinned. I scoffed and shook my head at her.

"Miley, everything you just said are things you can't take back!"

With that, I stormed off the beach, tears streaming down my face as I pounded up my porch. Oliver, who had been sitting on his porch next door, leapt off the swing that he was on and rushed toward me.

"Lil-ay!" he called after me. I turned around and smiled sadly.

"Hi Ollie," I murmured. He hugged me quickly, and held me out at arm's length.

"What happened?" he asked immediately.

"Nothing," I said unconvincingly. "Honestly. Miley and I got in a fight because she caught Derick kissing me, and she didn't believe me when I said he forced himself on me. Then Jackson and Sara told her the truth, and she apologized, but she had insulted me pretty bad so I can't quite forgive her yet. I will, though."

"If you're sure you're okay…" Oliver trailed off.

"What happened to your date with Emily?"

"She was talking shit about you so I left," my best friend shrugged.

"What'd she say?" I asked. I wasn't sure why I was just setting myself up for more hurt. Hadn't I had enough for the day? Obviously not.

"She said you were unattractive and fat and some crap," Oliver shrugged. I pretended like it didn't effect me before I said I needed to go shower and ran into my house and up into my bathroom.

I took one look at myself in the mirror as I undressed for the shower, turned on the water so that no one could hear anything that I was about to do, blasted my iPod speakers that I had brought in the bathroom, and stuck the toothbrush down my throat.

When I was done getting rid of the food in my stomach, I sighed shakily and got into the shower, letting the hot water scald my skin, almost enjoying the pain. I sang along to the Linkin Park song that clicked onto my iPod.

_What I've done,_

_I'll face myself,_

_To cross out what I've become,_

_Erase myself,_

_To let go of,_

_What I've done. _

_And to ask,_

_What you've thought of me,_

_I clean this slate,_

_With the hands,_

_Of uncertainty,_

_So let mercy come,_

_And wash away,_

_What I've done._

The next day, I managed to "oversleep" and avoid breakfast. I accepted Miley's apology, acting like it didn't effect me, but the real reason I accepted was because I knew it was true. Derick, was, of course, totally out of the picture, thank God. He was sending glares at our table at lunch constantly, and Miley was huffing in annoyance while Oliver munched happily on one of his totally grody sandwiches.

"Why aren't you eating, Lily?" Oliver asked. Well, at least I gathered as much. It really sounded like IareooeafingWiwy?

"Not hungry," I shrugged. "Big breakfast."

Oliver seemed to buy it. Miley shot me a look as my stomach growled. I giggled nervously and leapt up from the table, muttering something about talking to Jake before shooting out of my seat and racing through the crowd of girls to Jake.

Jake and I had become really, really good friends after he and Miley's breakup because he wasn't "normal enough". I had felt bad for him. I mean, sure, he'd been ridiculous, but she hadn't even given him a real fighting chance and come clean to him, and she hadn't even had the decency to just break up with him. She humiliated him and herself on national television!

"Hey Jake," I panted, sliding into the seat next to him. "Your hoard of admirers is getting fiercer by the day, you know. I almost got decapitated trying to get over here."

Jake laughed. "I can imagine. What're you doing over here?"

"A girl can't visit her bestie?" I giggled in a perfect imitation of Ashley. Jake laughed again but shot me a look that he wasn't going to drop the subject. I sighed. "Miley insulted me pretty bad and I forgave her but I'm still a bit annoyed."

"You know whatever she said isn't true, right?" Jake said bitterly. Miley was still a sore spot for him. I patted his head sympathetically and smiled.

"I can only hope so," I chuckled. "I've gotta jet. We're hanging out tonight, right? You, me, and Oliver?"

"Yeah," he said excitedly. He and Oliver were best guy friends. Oliver was my best friend in the world, while Miley was my best girl friend, and Jake was my best guy friend.

"See ya then!" I called as I left the cafeteria. Oliver caught up with me, tugging on my sleeve.

"What's going on with you, Lil-ay?" he asked. He knew that using my nickname could get almost anything out me, but not this.

"Nothing's wrong, Triple O," I replied. "Honest. It's no big thing."

"If you're sure," he said with a small gesture. "See you after school, right? You, me, and Jake?"

"Mmhmm," I affirmed. "We'll probably watch a movie."

"What's Miley gonna do?" he asked softly. I shot him a look. I'd been suspicious of him crushing on her for ages. I sighed and turned to him.

"You like her, don't you?"

'WHAT?! No!" he half shouted.

"Ollie, you know you can tell me anything, right?" I said, and he nodded. "Then why can't you be honest with me?!"

"Lily, I swear," Oliver said firmly, gripping both of my shoulders. "I don't like Miley."

"Okay," I smiled, relieved inside. Miley had everything I'd ever wanted; an awesome dad who loved her, a funny brother, a popstar alter ego, good looks, plenty of guys whenever she wanted them, and good grades.

"Let's go to class," Oliver grinned at me, putting his warm arm around my shoulders while my heartbeat quickened.

"Your big game is next week, right?" I asked him. Oliver had developed a huge talent for soccer, and I'd been to every single game. He always leant me an extra jersey to wear with my jeans, to show who I was supporting. I was also in charge of wearing my plain, worn black baseball cap, which he insisted was lucky.

"Yeah," he said excitedly. "We've been trying out a lot of different moves, and I think I've finally got one down that'll blow Westlake out of the water."

"Sweet," I agreed, beaming up at him. When we made it to English, my head was spinning, and I couldn't distinguish between the lack of food or my proximity to Oliver. When I sat down in my seat, however, I realized it must be the lack of eating. I grumbled, forcing myself to get through this.

Maybe if I was like Miley, Oliver would like me. If I was skinnier, prettier, more girly; if I could be more like Miles, he was sure to like me. At least I hoped.


	2. It Isn't Who You Are

**Author's Note: I am so sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I didn't even realize that I hadn't uploaded this chapter, when it's been on my computer for ages! I hope you like it, and thank you so much for reviewing, everyone!**

The Saturday of Oliver's big game was upon us much sooner then we'd all expected. I was wearing his jersey for their away games, which was white with navy blue and black lettering. The back of it read "Oken", obviously, and the number 13 was centered on my back. It was also on the right side of my chest in the front, only a smaller number.

My black hat snugly on my head, I was sitting between Jake and Miley. Jake and I always came to these games together, and Miley occasionally attended. This time, however, we'd all ridden together in my mom's car, which had proved to be incredibly awkward.

Oliver played center forward, and he was currently dribbling down the field swiftly, dodging defenders and using tricky moves to confuse the blonde boy guarding him. When he broke away, he kicked the ball into the right corner of the goal, and I was on my feet immediately, jumping up and down ecstatically.

"GO OLIVER!" I shouted, and he turned to wave at me with a wink as he jogged back to the center circle to resume the game.

Miley giggled at me, and I looked at her, confused. "You are so in love with Oliver."

Jake was grinning as well, and for the first time since they'd broken up, Miley and Jake were communicating.

"I've gotta agree with Miley, Lily," Jake chuckled. "It's really obvious."

"Oh shut up, Zombie Boy," I snapped jokingly, whacking him over the head. Miley giggled and patted his head with a puppy dog pout.

"Aw, poor witto Jakey," she cooed. He mock glared while I stifled a laugh. They were back to the flirting game; no doubt about it they were gonna get back together at either the soccer after party or sometime during the next week.

There was a vender walking through the stands, selling popcorn, candy, and drinks. Jake immediately bought our usual, which was a huge popcorn, two cokes, and a massive bag of skittles. I turned them down immediately, and he looked at me oddly.

"But you _always _love this!" he argued.

"I'm not hungry," I shrugged.

"You haven't been hungry for a week, Lily," Miley said calmly. "Is something wrong?"

"Of course nothing's wrong!" I exclaimed, a fake smile on my face. She didn't seem to buy it, but let the subject drop.

I tried my hardest to focus on Oliver's game, but my vision was becoming blurry, and I was having a hard time trying to not pass out. Swallowing hard, I sat down hard on the metal bleachers and waited for the dizziness to subside. Jake and Miley were so caught up in their flirting, they didn't seem to notice.

I looked up long enough to see Oliver looking at me with concern on his features before his coach shouted, "Oken, get your head in the game!"

I smiled at him in way that I hoped was reassuring and cheered half heartedly as he continued playing fantastically. The other team was a definite even match to our team, so by the end of the fourth quarter, it was a tie, and they went into a kick off.

Oliver kicked the ball to score the winning goal, and as it soared through the goal, I leapt up to cheer as loud as I could, trying to push the lightness out of my head and to keep my vision solid.

He turned to grin at me, and I went to walk, but I was suddenly hot, feeling like I was roasting. I was usually freezing these days, but I was burning, and I had never felt so dizzy in my life. The last thing I heard was Oliver's voice shouting my name as my vision faded to black.

I awoke in the long seat of Jake's limo, my head in Oliver's lap, Miley and Jake on the other end of me. Jake had his arms wrapped around Miley from behind, and she had her head resting on Jake's chest.

"Lily!" Oliver breathed. "You're awake!"

I felt sore and broken. My limbs were aching, and my head was pounding. There was a bitter taste in my mouth, and my thoughts were fuzzy. I looked into Oliver's deep brown eyes and managed a weak smile.

"I'm fine," I said, trying to sit up. He pushed me back down and smoothed down my hair.

"Don't move," he soothed. "You've gotta get up slowly. We're gonna take you home."

"No!" I said quickly. My parents had been suspicious lately, and I didn't want to face them. "I wanna go to the party. I'll take it easy, I promise."

Oliver was bent on taking me home, but he was beginning to cave under my pleas and puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," he sighed. "But I'm sticking with you the whole time."

I, of course, had no problem with this and settled back down. Miley began softly questioning me while Jake nodded beside her.

"Before you interrogate me, what's up with you two?" I asked with a sly smile at my best friends, who blushed.

"We're back together," Miley gushed, her eyes alive with excitement. I grinned at her, but it was forced. Once again, I was struck with jealousy of my best friend; she really did get everything.

"Thank God!" I laughed. "You two are great together."

Oliver noticed the slight jealousy in my voice, and a dark look passed on his features. He probably thought I was being petty and selfish, being bitter about Miley's happiness.

When we got to the party, which was held, as always, at a pizza parlor that doubled as a sports bar, with a bunch of arcade games and plasma screen TVs. Oliver immediately lead me over to a booth where he sat me down gently and took a seat next to me, protectively keeping at least one hand on me at all times.

There was a dance floor in the middle of the restaurant, and a Hannah song was blaring through the speakers. Miley rolled her eyes, annoyed with her own song, while Jake laughed at her. An incredibly pretty, and skinny, black haired girl asked Oliver to dance. He looked at me nervously, obviously making sure I wasn't gonna keel over and die if he stopped being my watch dog, and went with her.

I narrowed my eyes as the girl started grinding against him. This was a family restaurant! And Hannah Montana was not freak dancing music! I stated this opinion to Miley, who huffed in annoyance but agreed.

The girl was soon pulling Oliver into a corner, whispering into his ear. He looked absolutely thrilled, and I turned away from the scene, banging my throbbing head on the table.

"Lily, right?" asked a blonde guy. He was on the soccer team with Oliver, and he played right forward. The two of them were the Dynamic Duo of the team and worked seamlessly together. I smiled at him and nodded. "I'm Charlie."

"I know," I grinned. "You're infamous with Oliver's mom. I think she's got a crush on you."

"Mm," he groaned. "Soccer moms. Yummy."

I burst out laughing, even though it wasn't that funny. I mean, this guy was hot, and funny, and athletic. If I couldn't have Oliver, why not get the next best thing? Jake was looking a little protective in his usual big brother-ish way, while Miley was biting her lip with excitement that I was flirting.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw Oliver and the girl kissing. A sudden, burning jealousy flooded through me before I was pretty sure I heard my heart drop to the ground and smash into pieces. I snapped myself out of it and turned to Charlie with a charming smile.

"Looks like I've got to become a soccer mom then," I sighed faux dramatically. "I was so hoping you would consider skater girls yummy."

He beamed at me, throwing an arm around my shoulders and whispering into my ear, "I think I may have to test that."

Jake looked a little bit disgusted but mainly angry that this guy was blatantly hitting on me (Jake had taken to being my angry brother figure), while Miley was bouncing up and down in pure joy.

Before I could even blink, Charlie had grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me into a deep, slightly sloppy kiss. I grinned into his mouth as I heard a glass drop and the voice of Oliver shout, "Lily?!"

When I pulled away from Charlie, he was grinning dorkily, and I laughed slightly. A fuzzy feeling was coursing through me; was it possible that I was over Oliver?

When I looked over Charlie's shoulder at a defeated looking Oliver, my emotions were once again crushed. I wasn't sure how much longer I could take it, until Oliver came storming toward our table.

"Lily," he said through gritted teeth. "You said you were gonna take it easy."

"Chill, man," Charlie said, flipping his bangs out of his eyes. "It's all good."

"No," Oliver replied with a tight jaw. "It's not all good."

"What's your problem?" Charlie asked, starting to get in Oliver's face. I took one look at Oliver's eyes and knew this would not end well. I managed to slip past the two. Charlie pushed Oliver in that usual thing guys do. You know the one, the whole "I'm gonna fight you now" push that always ends up looking pretty girly.

Oliver pulled his arm back, his hand in a fist, before he drove a punch right into Charlie's super hot face. I gasped, as did all of the spectators. Jake was about to pull them apart when Charlie started brutally attacking Oliver, backed up by a couple of his cronies. Jake soon joined the fight, having Oliver's back, and Miley and I exchanged annoyed, slightly disgusted looks as we linked arms and walked out of the restaurant.

"What the hell _was _that?" I asked, puzzled. Miley gave me a knowing look.

She rolled her eyes before responding. "I thought that bit was obvious."

"What bit is obvious?" I snapped.

"That Oliver was jealous!"

"Of what?" I questioned, thinking it was too good to be true.

"Charlie, of course!"

"Why would he be jealous? I'm fat, ugly, and I act like a guy all the time!"

"Who told you that?

"Um, I dunno," I shot back, pretending to be in thought. "YOU, maybe!"

"I already apologized for that!"

"Maybe I didn't really believe that you didn't mean it!" I screamed back at her.

A look of comprehension dawned on my friend's face. I took a shaky breath, knowing she had figured me out.

"Lily," she said quietly. "What you're doing isn't the answer, and it's completely unessecary."

"What would you know?" I said with a humorless laugh. "You've got it all. The perfect movie star boyfriend, the amazing family, the popstar life, all the money in the world…You don't know how great you've got it, Miley."

"I do," she said sincerely. "I just don't get why you feel like you've got to do this, Lily. It isn't who you are!"

"I can't believe that I'm still even here!" I exclaimed, attempting to walk away. She grasped my arm firmly and pulled me back.

"Lily, I'm just trying to keep you from getting hurt!" she said back, sounding wounded. I sighed and nodded.

"Look, if things get super bad, I'll tell you. For now, things are okay. I can stop any time I want. A couple more pounds and I'm done."

I felt a little bit guilty for lying to Miley like that, but I stopped short when Oliver appeared behind Miley.


	3. You've Got To Stop

"Lily," he breathed.

"What, Oliver?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry," Oliver said, looking genuine.

"I know," I sighed. As soon as I looked at his face, I knew that he truly meant it. "I'm just going through a lot right now."

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" he asked, placing a hand on my arm. I couldn't help but shake it off; the butterflies that had suddenly erupted in my stomach were definitely not safe.

"I know," I repeated, smiling warily. "I think I'm gonna go home. Long day."

Oliver laughed. "Yeah. Falling down the bleachers can make you pretty tired."

"Oh shut up," I giggled, pushing him lightly. "I'll see you later, then."

"I'll walk you home," he offered immediately, like he always did. I shook my head and started walking.

"Lily!" he called out. I turned around, confused. He jogged up to me. "Look, Charlie's bad news. Please just stay away from him."

"What?" I asked, totally puzzled at this point. "You're one of his best friends!"

"I know him, Lil, and he's gonna hurt you."

"I'll be the judge of that," I huffed before turning around again.

"Yeah, cause you're such a good judge of character," Oliver spat. I whipped around, aghast.

"Shut up, Oliver," I growled. "You don't even know what I've gone through."

"Yeah, I do," he grunted back. "I was there for it all, and I always warned you, but you were just so excited that someone actually liked tomboy, skater Lily that you didn't give a damn that they just knew you were easy and wanted some action!"

"Oliver!" I gasped. He immediately looked regretful. Miley came out from the corner I knew she'd been eavesdropping at.

"Lily, I'm so-"

"No," I shouted. "Save it."

With that, I stormed off, bitter, angry, and hurt. I was back in square one. Oliver was right. I was just tomboy, skater Lily who could only get guys who thought she was easy. I huffed across the crosswalk, not even noticing the car pulling up beside me.

It was a black sedan, beat up and scratched. I looked at the tinted windows and panicked slightly, quickening my pace. When it followed me, I started sprinting, my feet pounding the sidewalk. I was already weak from not eating and sore from my fall down the bleachers at the game.

"Hey pretty lady!" slurred an obviously drunk man, probably in his mid to late twenties. I scoffed and kept speed walking. "Hey! Answer me when I talk to you!"

Suddenly, the back door opened, and a buddy of his grabbed my arm as the car halted. I screamed, yanking backward. The man, obviously had a stronger grip then myself.

"LET GO OF HER!" a deep, recognizable voice screamed. As angry as I was with Oliver, I had never been happier to see him.

"OLIVER, HELP!" I shouted, tears beginning to fill my voice. I was already halfway in the car, the man pulling at me desperately. When I took a closer look at the guy's face, I recognized him as a guy I had seen several times, sitting in our school parking lot.

Oliver was sprinting toward me, a kind of desperate anger on his face that I had never seen before. In one fluid movement, he managed to come at me with such force and speed that when he tackled me to the ground, I was ripped from my captor's arms.

I collided to the ground with a groan of pain. Oliver leapt to his feet and yanked me up. Gripping my hand, he sprinted as fast as he could. The car had made a sharp U-turn and sped off in the opposite direction. Oliver and I stopped running long enough to shakily attempt to catch our breath.

"Oliver," I breathed, before bursting into tears. He gathered me into his arms, burying his face in my hair. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, as he gripped me as if I was his life line.

"Lily," he replied huskily. I shivered slightly. Oliver figured I was cold. Thank God he had no idea it was the way he said my name that sent that tingle down my spine.

"Thank you so much," I whispered. "I'm so sorry for overreacting like that..."

"I thought...I thought that they were going to take you and the last thing you'd remember of me was me telling you all that stuff that was a lie," Oliver said, his voice tight with emotion. I pulled back slightly and placed a hand on his face. He trembled slightly.

"It's over now," I replied, managing a tiny smile. "Let's go home."

When we finally reached my house, it was extremely late. My parents were both gone, as usual. Oliver's parents were on a business trip, and he was staying with his older brother, who was eighteen.

"Come stay at my house," Oliver insisted, tugging on my hand. He hadn't released it since he saved me, and I had absolutely no objection to his protective grip on me.

"M'kay," I murmured tiredly. I was remarkably dizzy at this point, and I just wanted to go to bed. Oliver tugged me into the house and led me up to his room. I immediately went to his shirt drawer and pulled out a plain red, worn in T-shirt. He went into the bathroom to change, and I quickly threw on the T-shirt and ditched my jeans on the floor.

With a tired sigh, I crawled into Oliver's full size bed. The last thing I felt before falling asleep was Oliver crawling in beside me and slipping his arms around me.

It had been a week since then, and I was continuing with my own way of "dealing". Miley was frustrated, angry, and annoyed. Oliver still had no idea. Our relationship had taken an interesting turn. We were much more affectionate then usual, always hugging each other or briefly tangling our fingers when we walked.

"Lily, you need help," Miley said to me in her room after school one day.

"No, I don't," I replied firmly. "I can stop whenever I want. Just a little more, and I'm done. I promise."

She looked at me angrily. "Lily, you're stick thin! You're always dizzy, or pale. You don't laugh anymore, and when you do, I know it's fake! What you're doing to yourself is wrong!"

"I'm _fine," _I gritted out through my teeth. I was really starting to get angry. She had no idea what it was like to be in my position, and she certainly had no idea how I was feeling.

"No, you aren't!"

"I AM JUST FINE!" I screamed.

Miley looked taken aback for a moment before she reeled on me.

"YOU ARE NOT OKAY, LILY, AND YOU NEED HELP! I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE THE SISTER I'VE NEVER HAD, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!"

By this time, tears were falling down her face, and I could feel my resolve begin to waver. Maybe Miley was right. Maybe it was time that I stopped.

"You're right," I said, my voice quivering. "I need help."

I burst into tears and held onto my best friend tightly. She'd be there for me no matter what, and that's exactly what I needed.


	4. Tell Me Something True

**Author's Note: anniecakes13: you are amazing! Thank you so much for all of your amazing, encouraging reviews. You're the reason for me getting my butt in gear and updating again, so thank you so very much!**

_So when weakness turns my ego up._

_I know you'll count on the me from yesterday,_

_If I turn into another,_

_Dig me up from under what is covering,_

_The better part of me,_

_Sing this song,_

_Remind me that we'll always have each other,_

_When everything else is gone. _

_-"Dig", Incubus_

"Hey Lily," Oliver greeted, entering my house without knocking. I rolled my eyes and continued to make the cookie dough. My parents were finally coming home that night, and, in a last attempt to make them get along, I was cooking an intricate meal.

"Hey Oliver," I said. I blushed slightly at my appearance. I was wearing a ratty old white T-shirt with jeans, a red apron covering me to just above my knees. My hair was pulled back in one sloppy braid, I wore glasses, this time not so ugly ones, and my face was undoubtedly covered in flour.

"Nice outfit," Oliver snickered. I glared at him and felt my face heat up even more. I reached over him, where he sat on my counter, and grabbed the wooden spoon that I was going to use to mix the dough. I smacked him soundly with it before beginning my process. "What's with the housewife get up?"

"I'm making dinner and desert for my parents tonight," I explained, watching as he winced. I rolled my eyes yet again. "It's not that bad."

"Remember what happened last time?" Oliver said cautiously.

"Of course I remember what happened last time," I snapped at him, gripping the spoon harder now. He came up behind me and put his hand over mine.

"Hey now," he whispered. "Don't break the spoon."

I turned to face him, not realizing just how close he was. I trembled and let out a small breath. I could feel his hot breath against my face and I bit my lip. He wasn't moving, and I was pinned to the counter.

"Lily..."

Our lips brushed, and I was dying to kiss him. The front door opened, and an aggravated Miley entered. Oliver and I leapt apart, and I glared at her, surprised to see that he was, too.

"Jake is just so frustrating!"

"What'd he do this time?" I asked in a slightly disinterested voice. I continued to stir my cookie dough while Oliver propped himself back on my counter. Miley sat on the big island in the middle of my kitchen.

"He started freaking out on Dex for talking to me," Miley said with a roll of her eyes.

"Be honest, Miles. Were you flirting?"

"For once, I totally wasn't!" Miley defended, and I could tell she was telling the truth. "He's so insecure about our relationship. It's driving me insane."

"It's better then making little girls cry," Oliver suggested. I gave him a look as he popped open a Coke can, and when I looked back at my female friend, I was surprised to see tears filling her eyes.

"But what if he makes me cry?" she whimpered. Oliver froze, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Good going, donut," I mumbled to him before going to Miley and hugging her.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Miley. We both know he's crazy about you. Maybe he was having a really bad day, and he just snapped. It happens to all of us. Just talk to him," I advised sagely, itching to go back to my cooking. My parents would be home in a couple of hours, and I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect, and, knowing me, it would take quite a few tries before that would actually happen.

"You're right," Miley sniffled.

"I'm just that good," I mockingly bragged.

"I'm gonna go see if he's still at Rico's," Miley said, getting up and heading to the door. 'Thanks, Lily. Bye, Oliver."

"Bye, Miley," Oliver and I said in unison. As the door snapped shut, an awkward silence, the first one in me and Oliver's eleven year friendship.

"So," I said, elongating the word. "What's new?"

Oliver chuckled slightly. "Besides the fact that I just almost kissed my best friend, you mean?"

"Erm...I was hoping you were going to ignore that."

"Do you want me to ignore it?" he said, studying my face. I looked at the bowl, shaking my head.

"Not really. I just don't want to hear you say it was a mistake," I mumbled.

"I'm not positive what this is, Lily," Oliver said honestly. "And to be honest, it scares the crap out of me. But, I want to find out. You know how curious I am."

"Curiosity killed the Oken," I said. It was one of my lines I'd been using since the second grade. Everyone in Oliver's family was always asking questions and trying to figure things out, especially his brother and his mom. That, and using that little line would hopefully diffuse the awkwardness between us. I was also hoping for a subject change.

Oliver laughed, leaping off of the counter and hugging me around the waist from behind. "You're the best, Lily Pad."

"You, too, Ollie Pop," I giggled. "I really need to finish cooking. Unless you're gonna help me, you might wanna go so I won't be distracted."

When I turned back around, he was wearing a frilly purple apron and rubbing his hands together. "Where do we start?"

I laughed and showed him the recipe, beginning to explain.

By the time Oliver left, we still hadn't settled any sort of official closure on this weird new nature of our relationship. I didn't mind too much, though, because I was finally in a place where I was happy. Miley and I were finally completely okay, and I had stopped being so self-destructive. Oliver was sticking by me through thick and thin, and now I knew that he had feelings for me, too.

When my parents walked through the doors, they were already bickering. They had gone on yet another save-the-marriage-that's-falling-apart trip, and I could tell it was yet another failure. They both looked shocked at the huge dinner I had, steaming hot and ready on the table. My mom smiled at me.

"Lily, sweetie, this looks amazing!" she exclaimed.

My dad gave me a big bear hug and popped open a beer. My mom looked at him dissapprovingly, and I closed my eyes with frustration. To diffuse the tension, I lead the way by taking a seat, and they both followed.

"Thank you," I said, "I wanted to surprise you guys."

"Mm, and are those cookies I smell?" my mom asked, sniffing the air jokingly. I grinned at her.

"Homemade double chocolate chunk," I beamed proudly. She smiled at me and hugged me tightly.

"I missed you, sweetheart."

"Missed you, too, Mom."

"My favorites," my dad said, looking at the food hungrily.

Within ten minutes, my parents had begun to fight relentlessly once again, and I sighed, pretending like it didn't bother me as usual. And usual, it really didn't. I looked out of the window and saw that the weather reflected the mood in my house; there was a storm brewing outside, rain pouring, thunder clapping, and to my utter horror, lightning flashing. I absolutely hated lightning.

I brought out the desert and for another moment, they were happy, but it was only momentary. Seconds later, they were back to fighting, this time way past bickering, and I sighed once again, beginning to clean up and do the dishes before slipping away, unnoticed, to my bedroom. I strummed away on an acoustic guitar that Robby Ray had bought me for Christmas, and let the lone tear fall down my face before picking up the pieces and moving on.

They did this a lot, and I would rather them divorce then sit through this hell any longer. As long as I could have both of my parents, whether they were together or not, I would be happy. I would be jut fine with my dad in a different house then my mom, if it would put an end to the civil war my house had become.

Suddenly, I heard doors slamming as the fight made its way upstairs. A new sound had been added to the soundtrack of my nights, and I peeked out of my door to see my dad, lugging a suitcase down the stairs.

"How dare you?!" my mother screamed. My father let a flash of guilt cross his face before he put his impassive mask back on. I knew that mask well; I had learned it from him.

"I love her, Heather. Let's face it, the only thing we have in common is Lily; Lily is the only thing that we have. With Karen, those kids love me and I love them, and most importantly, we love each other!" my father roared back. I came out of my bedroom and into the hallway.

"What's going on?" I demanded. My mother was crying, and my father looked at me with pained eyes.

"I'm leaving, Lily," he said.

"You're leaving us for another family?" I asked, shock and hurt filling my words. "I'll still see you, right? Please tell me you're staying close," I begged, looking at the man that I had considered my hero my entire life. Suddenly, Superman was not so super anymore.

"I'm sorry, Lily. Karen and the kids live in Sacramento."

"You're leaving me for some woman and her kids in Sacramento?!" I screamed at him. My mother didn't attempt to hold me back, and I lashed out at him verbally. "I thought you loved me, Daddy! Just go on, walk out that door, show them how you love them so much more than me! If you don't need me, I sure as hell don't need you!"

With that, I stormed into my room. I heard the front door slam and the car pull away through the storm, and I knew that he was gone; Daddy wasn't coming back.

That is how I found myself knocking on Oliver's door in the pouring rain. My mother had long ago cried herself to sleep; she had wanted to make things work so badly with my father, she had truly loved him, even in the end. When Denise Oken answered the door and took in my appearance, she ushered me inside and called for Oliver, who came loping down the stairs in only his boxers. It was rather late on a school night, and I could tell he had just awoken. He looked at me blearily, and then his eyes clouded with concern.

"He's gone, Oliver," I whispered, my voice cracking. His mother had gone to make us some hot chocolate, and to ultimately give us time alone. Our moms were best friends, and I knew that she would get the scoop the next day. I had left several notes in my house and even brought a cell phone, just in case my mom needed me.

"Your...your dad?"

"Yeah. He loves them more than me. He never loved me, Ollie," I whimpered before dissolving into tears. We were quite the sight, me in my soaking wet flannel PJs and my black T-shirt that was sticking to me, with my little girl style pigtail braids, and him, in his boxers, shirtless, and his hair a complete mess.

We got the hot chocolate from Denise and she led us upstairs into Oliver's room, giving me a hug and turning down the lights, closing the door and leaving without a word.

"Oliver?" I asked feebly, wrapped in his arms under his covers.

"Yeah?"

"Do...do you love me? My d-daddy s-said he did b-but he didn't," I choked out, tears covering my voice.

"I love you, Lily, more than you'll ever know," Oliver said hoarsely. I nodded into his chest.

"My daddy said that and he lied."

"I'll never lie to you."

"Then make me a promise. Tell me something true, something that will always be true." I wasn't sure why I was acting like this, but I needed reassurance and Oliver was my safety net. The words that he spoke hit me like a semi truck, and I held onto him tighter as he uttered the words.

"I'll never leave you, Lily Pad.


	5. Always Means Something

Oh my God

**Oh my God. I cannot believe I let this story go so long without getting updated. Well, I'm back and ready for action. Expect plenty of updates! I have a surge of inspiration for this story. Be prepared! **

A week had passed since my father left, and his abandonment had done nothing for my self image issues. I was fighting with the demons in my mind. One side of me told me that it was not my fault, while the other whispered that if I was better, if only I was thinner and prettier and smarter and just _better, _he would have loved me enough to stay.

And that is how I found myself in the bathroom, toothbrush down my throat, kneeling over a toilet. This time, I was being much more careful; I couldn't risk anyone to find out. Miley was keeping a close eye on me because of her discovery, and Oliver was practically attached to my hip since my dad left.

For a good week or so, I had been doing fine; my self destructive behavior had come to a halt, but it had returned full force when my dad left. My mother had taken a turn for the worse as well. She had been hitting the bottle for the first few days before she finally took a trip to a spa in Palm Springs. So, once again, I was in the big, empty house, alone and scared.

I brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face before freshening up my make-up. My phone began to ring, blasting Paramore's "Fences". I answered it, using my brightest voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lily," a deep voice said. "This is Charlie. You know, from the soccer team."

"Oh, hey," I said, surprised. It had been at least two weeks since the soccer game.

"Well, we've got another big game coming up tomorrow," he said, "and I was wondering if maybe you would wear my jersey to school?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I had always worn Oliver's to school, and as far as I knew, Oliver and I were a "thing". Yet again, Oliver had been purely platonic ever since I stayed the night at his house. With my mind clouded by the demons in my head, I found myself agreeing.

"Sure thing, Charlie," I chirped.

"Great," he said, sounding pleasantly surprised. "So I'll swing it by your house tonight?"

"Sounds good," I replied.

"Well, then, I'll see you later," he said.

"'Kay, bye," I responded, hanging up. I sighed, falling back onto my bed. I picked the phone up after a minute and dialed Jake.

"Hey Lily!" he exclaimed. "What's up?"

"Bored out of my mind," I drawled. "What are you up to? I could use a distraction."

"I'm at Rico's with Oliver. We'll both head over there, though."

"All right," I beamed. "Sounds good."

"Want us to bring you something to eat?" Jake asked.

"Nah, I just made a totally kickass sandwich," I said, a guilty feeling gripping at my heart. I didn't want to lie, but what was I supposed to say? I'm fat and I need to stop eating? Yeah, that'd go over well.

"Yum," Jake chuckled. "We'll be there in ten."

"Okay," I said. "Want me to call up Miles and see if she wants to come?"

"Yeah," Jake said his tone even brighter at the mention of Miley. I smiled into the phone.

"Okay. I'll give her a ring. See ya soon," I said, clicking off and speed dialing Miley.

"Hey girlie!" my best friend said happily. Everyone was in such a good mood today...

"Heya Miley," I said. "Jake and Oliver are coming over. You in?"

"I'm right by your house. I'll have my dad swing me by," Miley answered. "Hey Daddy, drop me off at Lily's."

"All right, bud," I heard Robbie Ray drawl.

"I'm gonna be at your house in like...now," Miley giggled.

"Kay, just come on upstairs. I'm in my room."

Miley hung up and a minute later, she was standing in my doorway.

"Hey," she said. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good. You'll never guess who called me."

"Joe Jonas?"

"No," I said, smiling at her. "Charlie. As in, Soccer Charlie."

"Serious?" Miley exclaimed. "When?"

"Like ten, fifteen minutes ago? He asked me to wear his jersey to school tomorrow."

"Eep!" Miley squeaked. "That's so cute. But wait. What about Oliver?"

"What about him?" I asked.

"You _always _wear Oliver's jersey. Ever since ninth grade!"

"I know. I'm sure he'll be fine with it, though. I mean, Charlie is like, _interested _in me. It's not like I'm Oliver's girlfriend or something."

"Yeah," Miley said thoughtfully. Her voice got more confident as she said, "And plus, I just saw Oliver with Becca the other day."

"Really?" I asked, keeping my tone indifferent. "What were they up to?"

"Well, let's just say there wasn't a whole lot of _talking _going on," Miley winked.

I laughed, the sound fake to my own ears. Oliver had been kissing Becca? He had obviously changed his mind about the whole "we'll figure out how we feel" thing. I had a mental image of perfect, pretty, thin Becca, with her musical little laugh and her perfume spritzing thing she always did in front of her locker that made boys stop and stare at her.

Once again, I had lost Oliver to a prettier, sweeter, _better _girl then myself.

"So, you definitely don't need to feel bad about wearing Charlie's jersey," Miley was rambling. I shook myself and nodded.

We heard the front door swing open and close again. "Hey guys! We're up here!" I shouted downstairs.

Oliver and Jake thundered up the stairs, their footsteps heavy. Jake immediately went to give Miley a kiss while Oliver collapsed onto the bed next to me. Looking at him made my stomach turn as I imagined him kissing Becca Weller.

"Hey Lil," Oliver greeted. "What's crack-a-lackin?"

"Not alotta," I shrugged. He looked at me quizzically, sensing something strange. "What's with that look?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking himself. "So, you guys wanna go somewhere?"

"Can't," Miley and I replied in unison.

"How come?" Jake asked.

"Miss Lily is waiting for Charlie," Miley said teasingly with a couple of suggestive eyebrow raises.

"What?" Oliver snapped, looking over at me sharply.

"He's bringing me his jersey," I said simply.

"But you _always _wear my jersey," Oliver said, his tone bitter.

"Yeah, well," I said, "you've got Becca for that now."

"What are you _talking _about?!" Oliver exclaimed, sitting up suddenly.

"Oh, please, Oliver," Miley interjected. "I saw you and you told me about it."

Oliver glared at Miley and I just looked at him. Jake looked between all of us in confusion. "It's not like she's my girlfriend," Oliver said. He now had a guilty look in his eyes.

"And you don't need to explain yourself to me, cause neither am I," I said calmly. My phone began to ring again and I flipped it open, glad for the interuption.

"Hey Lil-ay," Charlie's voice rang through the line. "Is it all right if I bring it over now? I'm in the area."

"Yeah, sure," I said. "Just come on up. The door's unlocked."

I hung up and Oliver stared at me. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. There was an entire minute of awkward silence. Miley busied herself with checking Hannah's myspace, Jake browsed through my CD collection, and Oliver played with my comforter.

"Hello?" Charlie called from the hallway.

"First door to the left!" I yelled. Seconds later, he was standing there with the jersey in his hands.

"Hey Lily. Woah! And Miley, and Oliver, and Jake."

"Hey Charlie," I laughed, standing up. He hugged me suddenly and I hugged him back.

"Here ya go," he said, handing me the navy blue jersey with white and black writing. "The game is away, so you get to wear the home jersey."

"Yay me," I said, giggling.

"I'm sure you'll look much better in it then me," he said, beaming. I laughed.

"Let's hope so," I teased. He looked affronted and poked my side.

"Don't make me tickle you, Truscott."

"Bring it on, Foster."

With that, he grabbed me and started tickling my sides and stomach while I screamed with laughter. Miley cheered him on, giggling to herself, while Jake pulled her onto his lap. Oliver sat awkwardly on the edge of my bed, just staring at us.

When Charlie released me, I was panting and still laughing lightly. "Okay, fine. I surrender!"

"Good," Charlie said. "You were wearing me out."

"That's what she said," I suddenly burst out. Charlie chuckled and gave me another hug, swaying back and forth.

"My brother's been waiting outside for a while, so I better head out. See ya tomorrow, Lily."

Suddenly, he pecked me on the lips, blushed, and dashed out of the door with an embarrassed smile. As he closed the door behind him, I turned to Miley.

"EEEEEEP!" we squeaked in unison.

Jake covered his ears. "Aw, damn. "

"Oh c'mon," Oliver moaned. "He wasn't _that _good."

"That's what she said!" Miley and I shouted, once again in unison.

"I need ear muffs with the two of you," Jake said, still covering his ears.

"You love it," Miley teased, kissing him lightly. "Now come on, Boyfriend. We've got places to go."

"Where?" Jake asked in confusion.

"Oh, just come on," Miley said, rolling her eyes. "Catch ya later, guys!"

And with that, the only thing that kept the awkward conversation from coming was gone. Oliver turned to me with a long sigh.

"Is Charlie your boyfriend?" he asked.

"What?" I yelped. "No! Of course not."

"I don't get you, Lily," Oliver grunted. "One second you want to figure _this_," he said, gesturing between the two of us, "out, and the next, you're kissing Charlie Foster."

"Oh, that's rich, coming from you!" I yelled. "Ever since my dad left you're so _formal _all the time, then I find out you're walking around kissing Becca freaking Weller!"

"It's not like she meant anything!" Oliver shouted.

"A kiss _always _means something!"

"So then Charlie _does _mean something!" Oliver yelled back.

"No, Oliver. _He _kissed _me! _Not the other way around! It meant something to him, not to me!"

"Whatever, Lily. I hope you're happy with him," Oliver ground out before storming out of my bedroom.

I sunk onto my bed, tears stinging my eyes. The one person who had promised to never leave, the one person who never had, had just walked out. **  
**


	6. Mirror Doesn't Lie

Kylaa- I absolutely loved your review

**Kylaa- I absolutely loved your review . And Jason Dolley is exactly who I pictured as Charlie, too! Haha. We think alike!! The other person I can see as him is the boy who played Lucas. And yes, the eating disorder will come back into play, particularly in this chapter. **

**This chapter will also contain cutting. I know it can be an emotional subject for people, so I'm giving a warning. This chapter has extremely dark moments. Read cautiously. **

I stood in front of the mirror that Monday morning, clad in only my bra and underwear, staring at myself. Was it just me, or had I gained at least five pounds? It must have been the Chinese food that Miley had force-fed me the night before, the only food I has allowed to stay in my system. I was giving up on bulimia; to be honest, it grossed me out, and I was getting sick of brushing my teeth all the time.

I sighed shakily as I ran my hands over my stomach, shuddering. Staring at my reflection, I angrily slammed my fist into the giant mirror, a spiderweb of cracks spreading over the glass. My fist began to bleed, and I reveled in the pain. The pain of the slices in my hand were nothing compared to the ache in my heart of abandonment from, at that point, both of my parents, and seemingly Oliver as well.

I had a sudden idea as I looked at a fallen shard of the mirror, lying by my feet. It was sharp on one end, and I collapsed to the ground beside my bed, grasping it. There was already blood flowing from my hands. The main vein of my wrist was easy to find, but I wasn't looking to die. On both sides of the vein, I pressed the sharp object deep into my skin, smiling a twisted grin as crimson liquid began to seep from my arm.

After several repeats over four cuts on my left wrist, I looked down to my hip, knowing I could make deeper, longer cuts without worrying about hitting a main vein or getting found out. I dug the shard deep into my skin, wincing but still smiling. When I was done, I grabbed a first aid kit from the hall closet and put a piece of gauze over my hip, placing a big bandage over it. I wrapped my wrist in an ACE bandage, clipping it with the small silver bracket.

I pulled on a pair of white skinny jeans and a black spaghetti strap tank top before sliding on Charlie's soccer jersey. I glided black eyeliner onto my eyes, sweeping mascara onto my eyelashes and applying a bit of blush. I brushed out my blonde hair, straightening it to perfection and pinning my bangs up in a small pompadour. I smiled slightly into my crack mirror that distorted my image; finally, the mirror did not lie.

I slid on my black leather flip flops and headed out the door to Miley honking the horn of her little white convertible.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

After school, Miley and I headed to the game in her car. I was getting my license in a month.. Miley's birthday had been at the end of the summer; she was old for the tenth grade. So was I, but I was turning sixteen on November 4th. I thought of Oliver's birthday in two weeks, and I winced at the reminder of him.

"What the hell happened to your wrist?" she asked, indicating the wrap.

"I was trying out some tricks on my skateboard yesterday," I grinned. "You know how it goes."

"Ouch. Let me guess. You were trying to grind that stupid rail again," Miley said, getting onto the freeway.

"You know me too well," I smiled, changing the sugary sweet pop song to one of my favorites by The Spill Canvas.

_I wanna feel you in my bones again,_

_I'm all over you,_

_I'm not over you..._

"Better then anyone else," Miley nodded. "And this is a surprisingly good song, Truscott. I'm impressed."

"The Spill Canvas is the best band ever," I explained. "All of their songs are good."

"You say the same about Jimmy Eat World, Sum 41, _and _Sick Puppies," Miley drawled.

"And I'm correct in all instances," I said smugly. She laughed and put her blinker on to get off at the right exit.

"Since it's still off season, Jake is thinking about trying out for the team," Miley said.

"Really? That'd be awesome!" I beamed.

"I know! I could have someone to cheer for like you do with Oliver!"

I looked into the black leather hobo bag at my feet, seeing my lucky hat poking out. As good as my hair looked, wearing it was tradition, and not wearing it would be a slap in the face to Oliver. He had completely ignored me at school that day, while Charlie had followed me around like a lost puppy. I sighed sadly.

"Aw, c'mon, Lil," Miley said brightly. "Cheer up! Oliver will come around!"

"Let's hope so," I moped. She changed the song to another pop song.

"That music is just gonna bring ya down," she chirped. "Now put a smile on before I go all Ronald McDonald on your ass."

I laughed at my best friend, and she smiled smugly as we pulled into the opposing school's parking lot, got out, and began to walk toward the field. As we entered the gate, Oliver was jogging around the field, stopped, and stared at me. In one motion, I unclipped my bangs with one hand, shook them out, and put the black baseball cap on snugly. He smiled at me, looked at the ground, and then kept running with his team.

"See?" Miley said, nudging me. "He's coming around already!"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Miley and I were screaming our lungs out for our team, who were definitely evenly matched with the other team.

Oliver managed to steal the ball from an opposing forward and dribbled the ball up the middle, dodging two defenders. It was just him and the goalie...

"C'mon Oliver! You got this!" I shouted, and I saw a small grin spread across his face as he kicked the ball hard, sending it right past the goalie. "YES!"

"Let's go, Seaview!" Miley cheered.

The game was tied, and it was only halftime. Jake finally showed up, kissing Miley with a grin. "Sorry. I was talking to my manger for what seemed like five minutes but was really like an hour."

"No problem," Miley said. "It's 3 to 3, going into the third quarter."

"And look at Miss Popstar with her fancy soccer terms," I teased her. She whacked the bill of my hat jokingly and I slapped her lightly on the leg.

"Lily!" a voice called from the field. Charlie was waving at me, pointing me out to one of the defenders of the team. I waved back with a small smile ."That's her!" he said to the brunette boy. I blushed slightly and Miley rolled her eyes.

"What was the eye roll for?" I asked.

"Sorry," Miley said apologetically. "Charlie is a really, really nice guy. And he's super cute," Miley said, ignoring Jake's affronted noise of protest, "but I'm still on the Loliver ship."

"Loliver?" I repeated.

"Lily and Oliver of course," Miley said, giving me a "duh" look.

I burst out laughing."Fine then. You and Jake are...JIley, then."

"Whatever," Jake said, wrapping his arms around her. "Brangelina should be jealous. We're a way hotter couple then them."

"That we are, Boyfriend," Miley giggled, kissing him on the cheek.

"And Jiley is disgustingly sweet," I said, wrinkling my nose.

"Green doesn't suit you, Lil-ay," Jake teased. I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed, before turning his attention to the game that was reconvening.

"All right, Oliver! Let's go!" I shouted. Charlie glanced over and guilt took me over. "Woo! C'mon, Charlie!" He beamed, and I felt better.

"Look at Oliver's face," Jake mumbled to me. I followed his gaze to my brunette best friend, who was gritting his teeth and shooting daggers at Charlie.

"Oh wow," I said. "I haven't seen him look that mad since..."

I was cut off by Miley. "Since yesterday, when Charlie hugged you. It was _worse _then that face when he kissed you."

"Oh, for sure," Jake agreed. "I thought he was going to _kill _him."

"Shut up, you two," I shushed, pretending to be absorbed in the game. My mind was elsewhere. I thought of Oliver. What if he actually _did _like me? I knew for sure that I liked him. Then there was the Becca thing. Not to mention Charlie...

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out. It was a text message from Oliver's mom, asking how the game was going. I flipped my Voyager open to the full keyboard portion, but my hands were shaking too much to actually be able to type. Five full minutes went by as I tried to punch in the keys.

Finally, I threw the phone down into my bag. "God dammit!"

"Woah, Lily," Miley said, grabbing my hand. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," I said. "My hands are just shaky from the fall yesterday. I probably hit a nerve in my hands or something."

She nodded, buying it. She knew nothing about skating, so she must have figured that kind of thing happened all the time.

"Ouch," Jake said, pointing at my wrist.

"I know, right? I'm just determined to conquer that rail," I said.

"And I keep telling her to stop trying," Miley huffed. "But does she listen? No."

Charlie got possession of the ball. "Go Charlie!" I shouted, distracting from my wrist.

He kicked and sent the ball flying right over the goalie's outstretched hands.

"YES!" Miley and I shouted, high fiving.

"Woo! Way to go, Char-lay!" I shouted, clapping. He beamed at me, and I winked.

"Get your flirt on, girlfriend!" Jake exclaimed. Miley and I looked at each other with horror. Miley grabbed the remains of her popcorn and I grabbed the remains of a bag of chips, which we then dumped over his head.

"Never again, Jake," Miley said. "Never, ever again."

"Sorry," Jake mumbled, looking ashamed.

"You should be. Next thing you know I'm gonna go all Joliver on your ass."

"Joliver?" the couple asked me.

"Jake and Oliver, of course," I said. We all thought about this for a moment.

"EWWW!" we all shouted in unison.

In our distraction, we hadn't noticed the other team score again. We groaned as we watched the other team celebrate. Before we knew it, there was two minutes left of the fourth quarter, the score being 4-4.

Oliver had the ball, he was dribbling down the middle...

And all of a sudden, Charlie, who was the left forward to Oliver's center forward, took the ball from him.

Miley and I exchanged glances. The ball was quickly taken from Charlie by an opposing defender, and we saw Oliver's mouth form a curse.

Oliver sprinted after the defender, stealing the ball back and beginning to dribble it back down. He passed it to his right forward, Todd, who then passed it back as soon as Oliver was open. There was a little less then a minute left...

And Charlie took the ball from his own team mater AGAIN! The coach was screaming his head off, Miley, Jake, and I had all stood up, and Oliver looked pissed beyond belief.

With thirty seconds left, one of the defenders stole the ball and kicked it, accidentally putting it in the perfect place for a signature move of Oliver's. Well, not Oliver's per se. Technically, it was Beckham's first, but hey, who's paying attention? It's very Duke Orsino from "She's The Man", too...

And so Oliver jumped in the air, swinging his leg around the side, making contact with the ball. The ball had such force and the perfect direction that it flew an inch to the right of the goalie...

And the whistle blew. Right as the ball went in. Oliver jumped in the air, throwing his arms up in joy.

"YES!" I shouted, jumping up and down.

"GO OLIVER!" I shouted, clapping like a lunatic.

Jake grabbed Miley's hand and began pulling her down to the field. Miley grabbed mine with her other hand, and we were both pulled by our large friend through the crowd. We finally made it to the center of the field, where Oliver was standing. Jake clapped on the back in a man hug, while Miley hugged him excitedly. We stood awkwardly for a second, about six feet apart, before I ran at him, throwing my arms around his neck. I pulled away, laughing, my hands still around his neck.

I suddenly stopped smiling. Not because I was unhappy. Because Oliver had just covered my lips with his in a searing kiss. I tightened my arms around him as he lifted me up. Years of a pent up crush went into that kiss from my end. From his...well, I wasn't so sure. But I didn't care. I had been dreaming about this moment since the fourth grade.

When he put me down, I looked over his shoulder to see Charlie glaring at us heatedly. He turned and started to walk off.

"Charlie! Wait!" I exclaimed, pushing past Oliver.

"What?" Oliver asked, his mouth open as he watched me run after the blonde.

"Oh sweet niblets," Miley exclaimed, putting her hands up in frustration.

**Wow! I'm on a sudden roll with this story! I hope you all liked it, especially the Loliver kiss and the return of Lily's dark side! And Loliver? They're not gonna come together easily. Expect plenty more angst before they truly get together. Oh, and I changed my penname to xAllxShexWrotex **


	7. Moments Are Fleeting

I chased Charlie all the way to the parking lot

**Kylaa- I really like your idea of having a Lily/Jake and Lily/Miley confrontation. A Lily/Jake confrontation of epic proportion is in this chapter as a matter of fact! I'm updating faster then that little meeping guy from Loony Toons, so expect more and more chapters! **

**And so here it is. Chapter 7 of "What I've Done". **

I chased Charlie all the way to the parking lot. Being a soccer player, he was obviously much faster then I was.

"Charlie! Wait!" I shouted breathlessly. He turned around, shaking his head with a bitter chuckle.

"I should have known. Wearing his jersey, the thing at the pizza place, the way he looked at me when I hugged you..."

"Charlie, I honestly didn't know he would do that," I said. "I'm really sorry. I didn't want it to end up this way."

"What way? You being happy, me being upset? Oliver Oken once again getting everything?"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Oliver has _everything. _He's the star of the team. He scores almost all of our goals. I never get any credit, even though if it wasn't for me, he would never have the oprotunity."

"What does this have to do with me anyway?" I asked.

"You were his only weak point," Charlie said, a crooked smile on his face. I narrowed my eyes. "At first, I thought it would be fun. You know, use you, hurt you, get the one girl he couldn't, the one girl he cared about. Then I actually started to _like _you. Oken beat me at my own game."

"You are _sick," _I hissed, poking him in the chest. I took my hat off and tossed it the ground before pulling his jersey over my head and shoving it into his hands. I picked my cap up and shoved it back onto my head. "You were jealous of Oliver so you tried to _use _me. Then you started to actually, God forbid anyone does it, _like _me, and Oliver kisses me. Is that what this is all about? Did he kiss me because he didn't want you to have me? Are you two just continuing your little soccer game into real life? Sports rivalary gone wrong?"

"To be honest, Lily," Charlie said, his voice and face void of emotion, "I told Oliver something in the locker room. And he challenged me that he could get you to kiss him back before I could. Because both times I've kissed you, you've _barely _kissed me back..."

"What?" I hissed.

"Wait," he said, bewildered. "You thought he _liked _you? All he does is talk shit in practice..."

"I have to go," I said, my voice small. I refused to let him see me cry. I ran back toward the field, to get my bag, get Miley, and get out of here. When I got there, Miley, Jake, and Oliver were still standing where I had left them. Oliver was re-enacting his game-saving play while Jake complimented him.

"C'mon, Miley," I said, tugging on her. "Let's go..."

"Lily!" Miley beamed. "Why? You need to talk to Oliver..."

"No, I don't," I hissed.

She finally noticed the tears in my eyes. "Lily! What's wrong?"

"Not here," I whispered. She nodded and walked away with me, even ignoring Jake's shouts of her name.

We walked in silence to her car, and when we got there, I finally broke down sobbing. Miley had been anticipating this. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to her.

"Let it out, Lil," she soothed. "It'll all be okay. Sh. Tell me what happened."

When I finally stopped crying long enough to explain it to her, she was aghast and furious. "How _dare _he! How dare _both _of them! I swear to God, I am going to kick both of their scrawny, soccer playing asses!"

She began to open her door, ready to literally go and attack them.

"No, don't," I sobbed. "Stay with me. Please."

"All right, Lily," she sighed, hugging me again. "Charlie is an ass hat and Oliver is a fucking jackass. You deserve better then both of them combined."

"No, I don't," I sobbed, yanking myself away from her. "You wanna know why I get used? Because I'm not _good _enough for anything else, Miley! That's why!"

"Lily, of course you're good enough for something else! You just trust people, and that's a great quality. They're the idiots for using you. And as soon as you move on, they realize how stupid they are!"

I sniffled and broke back down into sobs, putting my face in my hands. There was an urgent tapping on Miley's window. Miley glanced over and huffed.

"I'll be right back, Lily," Miley said, swinging the door open as hard as she could. I heard a definitive yelp of pain as the door collided with them.

"Watch it, Miley," I heard Oliver hiss.

"No, Oliver, you watch it!" Miley growled. When I looked up, she had dragged him away from hearing range. I watched her poke him, gesturing wildly. I couldn't see his face, as his back was to me, but I did see her slap it. I gasped and laughed slightly through my tears as, a few minutes later, Miley was strutting her way back to the car in her wedge heels, denim shorts, and floaty peasant top.

"Thanks, Miley," I said as she got in the car.

"Buds over studs, babe," Miley grinned, holding her fist out.

I bumped mine with hers and smile. "Buds over studs."

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After my phone rang, yet again, flashing the caller ID "Ollie Pop" on my screen, with a picture of Oliver smirking, I ignored the call and turned my phone off, finally. I sighed as I began to run the shower from the bathroom that was attached to my room. I walked back to my room and looked at the cracked mirror again.

"I'm gonna have to get that fixed," I said to myself as I started unwrapping the ACE bandage around my wrist. I then unbuttoned my jeans, unzipped them, and slithered out of them before removing my tank top.

I looked back into the cracked mirror once again. "And I have to fix that, too," I said wryly as I stared at myself.

"Get what fixed?" a voice said behind me from behind my slightly closed door. The door pushed open. "WOAH! Sorry, Lily!"

"Eek!" I shrieked. I yanked a giant T-shirt off of my floor and threw it on.

"Come on in, Jake! The coast is clear!"

My blushing best friend re-entered the room, looking abashed. I giggled at him to diffuse the tension.

"Sorry bout that," he mumbled. "Can we _not _tell Miley that I just saw you like that? She gets all weird if we're watching TV and a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on."

I laughed. "No problem, Jake. What brings you here at seven o'clock on a Monday night?"

"I was just worried about you, is all," Jake said, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"And why is that?" I asked, raising one of my eyebrows.

"Well, 'cause Oliver said when he went after you and Miley, you were crying pretty hard in the car. And then I talked to Charlie, and he told me the story..."

"Okay, first, don't use the O word or the C word in my bedroom, please. And Second, I'm fine now. I was just...upset. But I'm okay now," I reassured him. Jake laughed a little at my substitution for Oliver and Charlie's names before glancing around my room. I winced as he set eyes on the mirror.

"What the fuck happened?" Jake asked with wide eyes. Shards of glass were still scattered across the floor of my bedroom, one of which was extremely blood stained. He picked it up slowly.

"It's nothing," I said. "I was getting ready really fast this morning and fell into the mirror and broke it, and cut my foot."

Jake grabbed my left foot from my position of sitting cross legged and examined it. I gulped as he looked at me suspiciously before dropping it back down and grabbing the right one, giving it a thorough inspection.

"Lily," Jake growled at me. I bit my lip.

"You know, the shower's still running, and..."

I went to get up and walk past him, but he grabbed me by the wrist.

"Ouch! Jake!"

He sat me down beside him and stared at the cuts on my wrist. "Lily," he whispered, running his finger over one of them gently.

"Ouch," I winced as he pressed a bit too hard.

"Why?" he asked slowly.

"Because no matter what I do, Jake, I'm not good enough. And I never will be," I said, my voice thick with emotion. "Because even the one person who said he loved me no matter what, that he loved me for me and that he would never leave walked out. Because he used me like everyone else. Because everyone uses me and people _always _leave."

"Lily, I swear to you," Jake said, "there are some people that will _never _leave. And you wanna know who they are?" I figured the question was rhetorical so I let him continue. "Miley and I will never, ever leave you. Because we love you for you. Every single bit of you. And we want you to get better."

"I'm not _sick_ or something, Jake," I said, standing up. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror that just made me even more angry. I was in Oliver's old T-shirt that I had borrowed the night I stayed with him.

"You're not sick," Jake reasoned, "but you're not well. And I want you to feel good. Especially good about yourself. You're an amazing person and an amazing friend, Lily."

"Those are pretty words, Jake," I said bitterly, "but I know that the second I make the tiniest mistake, you will walk out of that door like everybody else does. Go ahead and say it, Jake. You're leaving! You're going to leave like everybody else does!" I said, screaming at him from the moment the word "go" left my lips.

He gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes at me. "No, Lily. And you want to know why? Because I mean it when I say that I'm _not _leaving. If I have to stay here, stay in this room with you for years, just to prove to you that I am not going anywhere then I will."

"Stop it!" I yelled at him. "Stop! Stop making me feel like this!"

"Like what?" he asked softly.

"Like people actually give a damn! Because it just hurts worse when I realize it's a lie!" I shouted. I finally broke down into tears and Jake grabbed me, holding onto me while I pummeled at his chest with my fists. It didn't seem to phase him as he picked me up and lay me down on the bed. Soon enough, I felt my eyes flutter shut.

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I awoke to bright moonlight in the window and the sound of Jake on the phone. I closed my eyes again and pretended to be asleep.

"Baby, come on," he pleaded. "You know it's not like that with us. She needs me right now, and...No, Miley! I can't tell you, okay? That's her place to tell you...Of course I'm not trying to take your place! You're being irrational...Would you stop being so stubborn?...Miley just shut the hell up for a second and listen to me, god damn it!..."

I flinched as he yelled this last sentence. That was not going to go over well with my best friend...

"No, Miley, I didn't mean that!...No, stop it!...C'mon, don't end it like this..."

I sat up quickly. "Jake, tell her," I demanded. "Tell her right now."

Jake sighed. "Are you sure?"

I could faintly hear Miley crying on the other end of the line, and I nodded, certain. "Tell her."

"Miley, babe," Jake said. "Look, hon, Lily's been cutting herself and...Okay. See you soon."

"She's on her way?" I asked wryly, leaning back against the headboard.

"Yeah," Jake sighed.

"Figured," I said smugly. He chuckled at me.

In about five minutes, Miley was running into my room and hugging me tightly. "Lily, I love you and you're my best friend and if you ever do something like this again I am going to completely lose it," Miley blubbered. I smiled at her.

"I love you, too, Miles," I chuckled.

"How can I help you?" she said softly, holding my hand lightly. "How can I make this better?"

"There's nothing you can do," I said. "Just...be here for me. Don't leave like everyone else."

"Never," Miley said. "Trust me, chica. That's never gonna happen. There ain't no way you're getting rid of me."

I smiled at her as we hugged. "C'mon, Jakey Boy. Join the huggle fest!" I joked, pulling him into a group hug. We all tumbled off of the bed because of the awkward weight change, laughing loudly.

And for that one moment, it truly felt like everything was okay.

Too bad moments are fleeting.


	8. Never Coming Back

Expect a confrontation in this chapter

**Expect a confrontation in this chapter. And expect the unexpected **

The next morning, I awoke with a yawn. I looked around in confusion before giggling; I was sleeping between Miley and Jake in my queen sized bed. We probably looked like a family who's little kid at a nightmare. They were holding hands over my stomach, which made me giggle even more.

I looked at the clock; it was ten o' clock on a school day! We'd already missed most of first period...

"Miley! Jake!" I exclaimed, shaking them awake. "Crap! It's ten!"

"What?" Miley groaned, sitting up. Her hair was absolutely _huge _and I broke into laughter, as did Jake when he woke up.

"Looks like we're taking a sick day," Jake said, stretching out on my bed with his hands behind his head.

"Sounds good to me," Miley sighed, lying back down. "I see no reason for school."

"You know, besides education and the like," I said, grabbing the remote and clicking on my TV.

"Cell phone check," Jake groaned as he picked up all three of our phones. "Ready for parental freak outs."

I turned my phone back on, feeling it vibrate repeatedly in my hand. The display read

**7 New Voicemal**

**Listen Now**

**Listen Later**

I opted for listening later, only to have another alert pop up.

**9 New Messages**

**View Now**

**View Later**

I sighed, pressing view now. All nine of them were from Oliver, asking what was wrong, begging me to talk to him. I chucked the phone onto the nightstand with a sigh as I listened to Miley talk to Robbie Ray.

"What's up?" I asked when Miley got off the phone with a big smile.

"Well," she drawled, "oddly enough, my dad is totally okay with the day off. In fact, he had some ideas of his own."

"As in...?" Jake asked, gesturing for her to continue.

"As in, get your asses outta bed! We're doing something _fun." _

"And when you say fun, you mean...?"

"You'll see," Miley said mischieviously. "Let's get this party started!"

I laughed and crawled out of my bed. "Wardrobe?"

Miley went to my closet, pulling out clothes for me. She handed me a pair of jean cut-off shorts and a plain white tank top.

"I dunno about this, Miles," I said, holding up the short shorts.

"Yeah, well, I do," Miley smiled. "Now put 'em on, Hottie McHotstuff."

I laughed, rolling my eyes as she sent Jake out of the room and into the kitchen to make us some pancakes. She rummaged around some more, trying to find something to wear.

"Hey Lily, what's this?" she asked, holding up a ratty old shoe box.

"I dunno," I shrugged. "Open it."

She opened the lid, and we crowded around the small box. Inside was several keepsakes of my friendship with Oliver; a 64 pack of crayons, a piece of a plastic shovel, a picture from each first day of school since pre-school...the list goes on and on.

Miley looked at me cautiously. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and closed the box, pushing it into the back of the closet.

"I'm not gonna let _him _ruin our fun day," I said firmly. "Now let's beautify."

Miley looked uncertain as she smiled at me shiftily. "Yeah. You're right."

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Half an hour later, I was sitting in the front seat of Miley's car, having made Jake sit in the small backseat.

"Where are we even going?" I asked.

"I told you, you'll see," Miley grinned.

"You scare me," I said teasingly, reaching over and clicking on her iPod through the car stereo.

_You used to talk to me,_

_Like I was the only one around,_

_You used to lean on me,_

_The only other choice was falling down,_

_You used to talk with me,_

_Like we had nowhere we needed to go,_

_Nice and slow,_

_To no where in particular..._

Miley reached over and changed the song immediately just as Jake's phone began to ring. He flipped it open.

"Hello?" he answered. "No. You can't talk to her...Yeah, I'm with her...What do you care?...Leave her alone, Oliver."

I leaned back against the leather seat and closed my eyes. Miley huffed, reaching her hand back. Jake put his phone in her outstretched hand.

"Look, Oliver. I'm taking Lily out for a wonderful day. Now if you could just dissappear, that would be fantastic. Kay, thanks, buh-bye."

I looked at her with my eyebrows raised. "Wow."

"That's how I do," Miley joked.

"Will you please tell us where we're going?" Jake said, changing the subject.

"Fine. We're going car racing," she said excitedly.

"Serious?" I squeaked. "Where?"

"It's this place called Speed Zone. Daddy took me there over the summer. You load your money onto this card, digitally, and you just scan it for these really fun arcade games. There's a bunch of different races you can do, and you just scan the card at the tracks..."

"This is gonna be awesome!" I exclaimed, giggling.

"Yeah," Jake agreed. "I'm totally pumped."

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Two hours later, I found myself sitting a drag racing car, buckled into the seat by a thick restraint. Miley and Jake were sitting in little miniature stands off to the side, Miley jokingly screaming like a fan girl. I laughed as I watched the light before me turn green. Releasing the brake, I slammed by foot onto the gas pedal, and the engine roared, shooting the car forward.

I reached down next to me, switching the gears, causing the car to go even faster. I screamed with joy. The adrenaline rush of the raw speed of the car was sending me on a high. I truly felt alive for the first time in months.

When my race was done, I looked at the board. I had been going over one hundred miles per hour in that tiny car! I couldn't believe it.

"That was insane!" I gushed to Miley and Jake. "Seriously, that was _amazing." _

"Good to hear," Miley said, hugging me as we walked. "That was my plan for the day."

"Yep," Jake agreed, ruffling my hair. "Anything for our Lily."

I laughed, truly enjoying life. Miley and Jake seemed to have that effect on me. Too bad it was only temporary.

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That night when I got home, exhausted but giggling with the fun of the day, I was surprised to find my mother, sitting on the couch with a half-empty, giant bottle of vodka in her hand.

"Lily," she slurred. "My baby."

I crossed my arms and glared at her. "I'm _not _your baby." She looked at me with pained eyes. "You lost that right the moment you walked out of that door and left me here with no phone call, no e-mails. Nothing."

"I just needed time," she tried to explain, but I cut her off.

"And you want to know what I needed? I needed my _mother. _I needed my mother when my father _left. _But you know what I got instead? I got an empty house, a shitty best friend, and a stupid half boyfriend. I can't live like this anymore. I just can't do it."

"And what are you gonna do about it?" she said, her voice now cold. "There's no where for you to go. Who would want you besides me?" Her voice then took on a wondering tone. "You know, you're quite a bit like Cinderella. Only you won't get pretty in the end. And no one will love you. Surely not a prince."

I pursed my lips as I stared at her, fire in my eyes. "There _are _people who love me. My _friends _love me. Because _they _are my family because no one else fucking cares! _You _don't fucking care!"

"Go," my mother said simply. "Go. Leave."

"Gladly," I growled, storming up the stairs. I couldn't let her words affect me. I told myself to build up walls around my heart. She was drunk, she didn't mean it. Suddenly, a flashback to freshmen year in health class stuck in my brain, something my teacher had said.

"_Drinking never makes you do anything you want to do. It only releases your inhibitions. Anything you say or do, is what you truly _want. _Whether you're too scared to say it or it's something that just should not be said, drinking will bring that out in you. It's liquid courage; and liquid humiliation." _

I bit my lip as tears flooded my eyes. I glanced at my broken mirror before pulling my suitcase out from under my bed and beginning to throw my clothes in it haphazardly. I honestly wasn't sure where I was going to go.

I couldn't go to Miley's; Robbie Ray was sure to notice my new habit of never eating. I couldn't go to Jake's; I just wouldn't feel right, living with my best friend's boyfriend. Going to Oliver's was completely out of the question.

When I was done packing, I still had no clue where I was going to go. I dragged my suitcase down the stairs, past my passed out mother, on the couch. I walked out of the front door, sparing one glance backward.

"I'm _never _coming back to this place," I whispered before closing the door behind me.

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**Okay, kind of a short chapter. But I wanted to end it right there, with a kind of dramatic pause. Plus, the next chapter will be up soon anyhow. Where is Lily going to go? Who can she turn to? **

**And more importantly...**

**Who will she meet? **


	9. Tomorrow

Yet another pretty speedy update

**Yet another pretty speedy update. I'm toying around with several new ideas in the next couple of chapters, one of which are a couple of Point of View switches. I want to show some events happening, but they can't be shown from Lily's point of view, so I have to switch. I hope you all don't mind! **

**And I hope you all like this chapter! **

I'm not sure how I ended up there; it just _happened. _It was the place I felt safest, the place I loved the most. It was the place that held my fondest memory, even given the circumstances. It was the place I had met Oliver; the sandbox of Seaside Park, two streets down from our houses.

By then, it was eleven o'clock at night, it was freezing cold, and I was finally letting my tears fall. I was dizzy, my head was spinning with my thoughts, and even through my tears, I could not see straight. I dropped my suitcase beside the red wooden sandbox and collapsed onto the icy, cool sand.

I lay there, letting my sobs take me over. I was fifteen, almost sixteen, and completely alone. Sitting a sandbox, crying my eyes out at eleven o'clock at night, with a father who left me and a mother who kicked me out of the house. My best friend since I was three years old had used me and broken my heart; the one boy I thought actually liked me had only begun to even talk to me as a game. I had two best friends, still; that remained true. Miley and Jake were there. But even that light at the end of the tunnel wasn't enough to make me keep going.

My stomach churned as I realized the implications of what was happening in my life; I was practically parentless. I knew if I tracked my father down, he would have me come live with him. But living with him would mean leaving Malibu, leaving Miley and Jake. I couldn't do that.

I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to, and nothing to keep my will to live burning. I gripped the sand with my small hands as I sobbed, curling into myself. I longed desperately to pick up my cell phone off of the ground and call Oliver, have him come find me, and take me home. I realized with a start that I didn't consider home my mother's house; when I thought of home, I thought of Oliver's bedroom.

"I can't do this anymore," I sobbed, shaking and trembling, my tears wetting the sand beneath me. I sat up onto my knees, resting my elbows on my thighs and my face in my hands as I cried and cried, weeping for the memories of my childhood when everything was fine.

"_Cry baby!" I heard a squeaky little voice shout. _

"_Loser!" _

"_Chicken!" _

_I looked over from my place on the swings to find a little brown haired boy crying in a sandbox, surrounded by boys about twice his age. He looked to be my own age, about three, and I pouted my little lips in anger, standing up and marching over with all the dignity of a girl who hadn't even started pre-school yet. _

"_Hey! Weave him awone!" I shouted, putting my little hands on my hips. "He didn't do nuffing to you!" _

_  
"Stupid wittle girl," one of the bigger boys said. _

_  
"I'm not stupid!" I screamed, kicking him hard in the shin. _

"_Ouch!" _

"_Wook who's the cwy baby now," I said smugly. "Now weave!" _

_The three boys ran off, and I sat beside the crying brunette. _

_  
"Hi. My name's Wiwy. What's yours?" _

_  
"I'm Owiber. Owiber Othcar Oken." _

_  
"Funny name," I said, wrinkling my nose. "Wanna be my fwend?" _

_  
"Sho, Wiwy," the little boy said. "But you habe to be my girlfwend." _

"_Okay, boyfwend." _

Thinking of the memory only caused me to cry harder as I collapsed back into a laying position. That is how I fell asleep.

An almost sixteen year old girl, sobbing her eyes out in a sandbox. It stuck me as ironic that the place where I considered my life to have truly begun was the place where I completely fell apart.

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"Lily?" a voice gasped. "Wake up, sweetheart."

I groaned, spitting out sand and blinking my sore eyes. "Denise?"

"Oh, honey," Denise Oken gushed, pulling me into a motherly hug. "What on earth happened? What are you doing here?"

"Everything happened," I said, surprised to find myself confiding to the woman that was more of a mother to me then my biological one. "My dad leaving started a domino reaction. My mom was always drunk, then she left for a week and came home, and was being horrible to me. Then she kicked me out. And I had nowhere to go and nowhere to turn because Oliver..."

"What did Oliver do?" she said, not sounding cross with her son, just curious. And for that moment, I forgot that she was Oliver's mother.

"He was acting jealous because I was kind of dating Charlie Foster. Then after the soccer game on Monday, he kissed me in front of everyone. I've liked Oliver for years, so I was naturally excited. But then Charlie was looking at us, so upset, that I chased him. And Charlie told me everything. How he himself had just used me because I was Oliver's weak spot, but when he got to know me he started to like me. And then how Oliver made a bet with him, that he could get me to kiss him back before Charlie could, and how he always talks shit about me at practice and how he used me as a pawn in his stupid little game," I sniffled through my tears.

"Come on, sweetie," Denise said, her voice still soft. "I'm taking you home."

"No," I said, beginning to pull away from her. "I don't want to go home. I can't go home, Denise, you don't..."

"I meant _home,_ Lily, not your house," Denise said gently with a smile as she helped me up. She grabbed the suitcase off of the ground and began to walk me back to her minivan. "You need some real rest, honey."

"Okay," I mumbled, sounding like a little kid to my own ears but not really caring. "What time is it?"

"It's nine. Oliver won't be home," she explained.

When I got to the Oken's house, Denise led me upstairs, putting my suitcase at the end of Oliver's bed. I unzipped it, pulling off the jean shorts and tank top I had still been wearing from the day before. I pulled on a pair of comfy black sweatpants with a white tank top and my favorite gray sweatshirt that said Stanford in read.

I glanced at myself in Oliver's mirror. My hair was a bedraggled mess of waves, still long as ever, flowing to my belly button. My eyes were slightly swollen from all of the crying, and my lips were chapped from the cool night air I had slept in. I stumbled to the bed as I turned away in disgust at myself, crawling under Oliver's blue plaid bedspread and his black flannel sheets.

As I breathed in the familiar scent, I still found comfort in it, no matter how much had happened between us the past few days. I snuggled into the pillow and finally, truly, got some rest.

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**Oliver's Point of View!**

I came home from school that day worried out of my mind. I had tried texting Lily for the hundredth time, but she hadn't replied. I had even tracked down Miley, who only spoke to me to say that she wasn't sure where Lily was either, and if I heard anything to call her.

"Mom! I'm home!" I called as I entered the front door. I dashed upstairs to throw my backpack in my room, to find my door closed. I furrowed my eyebrows. It definitley had not been closed when I left in the morning...

I opened it to find a blonde head peaking out from the blankets. I lowered them gently, surprised to find a sleeping Lily in my bed. I gazed at her, biting my lip. I hadn't seen her since after the game, when she had been crying in Miley's car. She looked much more peaceful this way; her eyes were closed, her breathing was steady, and her lips were slightly parted. I took a closer to look to find that she had tear tracks of mascara on her cheeks, her hair looked windswept, and her lips were chapped. She was a beautiful disaster unto herself, and I kissed her on the head lightly before walking out softly.

"Mom," I said, finding her in the kitchen. "What's Lily doing in my room?"

"Even though you have no right to even say her name," my mother said coolly, "I found her in the park this morning."

"What?" I breathed.

"Yes. Her mother kicked her out last night, and she wandered to that little sandbox at Seaside where you two met. She slept there. I was driving to the store this morning and I found her," my mom said sadly. "And she told me exactly what you did, Oliver."

"What?" I asked. "I'd really like to know what I did, because no one will tell me."

"Charlie told her, Oliver," my mother said tiredly. "Lily knows all about your little game."

"What are you _talking _about?" I asked, exasperated. "Tell me exactly what Lily told you."

"She said that she was kind of dating Charlie Foster, and that you were being weird about it. She told me about how you kissed her after the game, and about how she chased after Charlie. She told me about how you challenged Charlie, and told him that you could get Lily to kiss you back before he could. You used her, Oliver, you used her. I thought I raised you better then that."

"No, Mom!" I exclaimed. "Charlie is _lying. _I would never do that to her! That's why she's been so mad. I would never, ever do that to Lily! You've got to believe me!"

My mom looked at me with relief. "I was hoping you would say that."

"I've gotta go fix this," I said, going back to the stairs.

"Oliver! Let her rest!"

I sighed. "Fine. Then I'll call up Jake."

"For what?" my mom asked cautiously.

"Nothing," I shrugged, stepping into the backyard. I dialed up Jake, unsurprised by his reaction to me.

"What?" he answered.

"Look, Jake, Lily is at my house, and..."

"Stay away from her!" he exclaimed angrily.

"No, Jake, listen to me! I found out why you're all so mad, but you've got to believe me. Charlie lied!"

"And I'm supposed to believe you?" Jake asked.

"Why would I do that to Lily? You know how much I care about her, Jake," I said, my voice strained. He sighed into the phone.

"What's our plan of attack?" my best friend said.

I grinned. "Meet me a Rico's in ten minutes."

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When I got to Rico's, Jake was already there, waiting for me. He clapped me on the back.

"Hey man," he greeted. "All right. Phase one in bringing down Charlie Foster."

"What's our game plan?" I asked.

"What's something he loves? Something really important?"

"His ego," I answered immediately.

"Humiliation," Jake said slowly. A slow smile spread on his face. "Perfect."

"And soccer. He loves bragging that he's left forward."

"Good thing I play a mean left forward then," Jake smirked. "And seeing as I've talked to the coach and he's willing to let me try out because it's still off season..."

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Perfect!"

We high fived, ready to begin our plan of bringing down the guy that destroyed my relationship with the most important girl in my life.

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When I came home a couple of hours later after having a short skim boarding session with Jake, I dashed up the stairs to talk to Lily, to find that her suitcase was gone. So was she.

"Mom!" I called. "Where's Lily?"

"She's gonna stay at Miley's for a while," my mom said sadly. "It's the best place for her right now."

"I'll talk to her tomorrow then," I said to myself. "Tomorrow."


	10. Pieces At My Feet

I awoke for school the next morning to the smell of pancakes coming from downstairs and the sound of Robbie Ray belting out a h

I awoke for school the next morning to the smell of pancakes coming from downstairs and the sound of Robbie Ray belting out a happy tune. I smiled into my pillow. I had gotten my first good night's rest in a long, long time. I looked over to find Miley still asleep, and I tip-toed my way into her bathroom, locating the scale immediately. I stripped down as I turned on the shower, stepping gently onto the scale.

I looked down and read the dreaded numbers: **113. **

I had put three pounds back on! I had only eaten some cookies at Oliver's house the day before, and a plate of pasta with the Stewarts for dinner. Apparently, that was enough. I swallowed hard and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water scald my skin as a kind of punishment. As soap and hot water came into contact with the slices on my wrist, I winced. I brushed the soap bar over my hip, causing me to let out a small yelp of pain. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth.

"Lily?" Miley's sleepy, concerned voice came through the door. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I called back to her. I finally turned the temperature on the water down a bit, taking in a deep breath. Breathing was getting harder and harder these days, my bones and joints were achy, and the dizziness was getting out of control. Speaking of the dizzines...

I stumbled as I lost my balance due to the sudden spinning. I grabbed at the shower curtain but only succeeded in dragging it down with me, whacking my head on the tile. I lay on the ground outside of the shower, my head now spinning and throbbing in tandem. I groaned as I slowly got up, drying off with a towel and setting the curtain back in its proper position.

"Lily! You okay?" Miley shouted again, now awake.

"Yeah!" I said with a fake laugh. "I slipped on the soap! Shoulda learned from Blue's Clue's, eh?"

Miley giggled. I sighed in relief that she believed me before pulling the hair dryer out from underneath the sink. When I finished blow drying my hair I walked into Miley's room, changed into a pair of jeans, my black Uggs, a plain red T-shirt, and my Stanford sweatshirt over it. I piled my hair up into a messy ponytail, not bothering with makeup; my hands were shaking too much to apply the eyeliner right.

"Lily," Miley said. "You are aware that this is October in California right? It's eighty degrees out there!"

"I've been chilly lately," I shrugged. "Maybe I'm coming down with something.

"Maybe," Miley said unconvincingly as I grabbed my backpack and she threw a bag over her shoulder. I had timed my blow drying perfectly; we were just late enough to miss breakfast. "Sorry, Daddy, we're late," she said as he offered us pancakes.

"All right, Bud. More for me, then."

We dashed into her little car and sped off toward the school. Her phone rang and I answered it; she only talked while driving if it was necessary.

"Hey Jake," I said brightly. "What's up?"

"Where are you guys?"

"We're gonna be there in a couple minutes. Why? Where are you?"

"I'm out front. And Charlie's lurking. Look's as though he's looking for you."

"Ew. Gross."

"I know," Jake laughed. "Well, see ya soon."

"See ya then."

"What was gross?" Miley asked.

"Charlie."

"Ew. What's a Charlie? It sounds diseased..."

I threw my head back and laughed a little too hard. The more I did that, the more I felt like I was actually making an effort to be okay. As I glanced down at my wrist, freshly cut unbeknown to Miley, I knew that I wasn't.

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After first period that day, I was standing by my locker, pulling pictures down. There were far too many of Oliver and I taped to the inside of the door and I tore them down angrily. I felt someone behind me and I turned around. It was Oliver. I internally cursed myself as my heart skipped a beat. He still looked just as good as usual. His brown hair flopped perfectly over one eye, and T-shirt fit him just right.

I breathed in, fixed him with my best stare, then turned around and continued to pull off the pictures.

"Lily. Look, I know you think I used you, but you're wrong. You've got to listen to me. I know you must feel..."

I cut him off by turning around and silencing him with my fiercest glare. He recoiled and took in a shaky breath. I turned back around, expecting him to have left.

"Lily, please, just talk to me," he pleaded. I slammed my locker shut and turned to stare at him. I couldn't hold up the silent treatment much longer when he was looking so damn cute, standing there like that. I walked past him, ignoring the electricity that flowed down my arm when our shoulders brushed.

After I had triumphantly marched off, I hadn't realized that I was heading to Theater class; the class that Miley, Jake, Oliver, and I had signed up for together last year. I groaned as I entered out theater building, immediately dashing to Miley, who was playing the piano in the corner.

"Oliver tried to talk to me," I said with a grossed out face.

"Ew," Miley agreed. I laughed. As Oliver entered the room, Miley began to smirk before playing the Jaws theme song. I broke down into laughter, collapsing onto the piano bench beside her, laughing my ass off.

"Mad piano skils," a voice said behind us. We both turned around to find a tall, extremely attractive boy with dark hair, blue eyes, and a crooked smile. He was dressed kind of punk style, and I could practically feel the drool on my face.

"You must be new here," Miley drawled, batting her eyelashes. "I'm Miley."

"And over there is her boyfriend Jake Ryan," I said, nudging her a little and pointing to Jake. "And I'm Lily."

He laughed. "Hi Miley, Lily. I'm Drake."

"Draco. Cool name," I said. "If you're into the whole Harry Potter thing."

"Drake," he corrected. "Not _Draco." _

"Right. Well, I'ma call you Draco, okay?"

"Fine then. You're Lilian."

"So original," I fake swooned. "Whatever shall I do with that creativity?"

"Fine," he laughed. "Then you're Barbie."

"Barbie?" Miley and I asked at the same time.

"Dude, I'm a _skater," _I said. "I wear _jeans. _And minimal makeup."

"But, you're blonde."

"So?"

"Hey, your nickname is just as bad," Drake...I mean, Draco...argued.

"Fine," I resigned. "You've got a point."

"Is that guy your boyfriend or something?" he said, pointing toward Oliver. "He seems a little wound up that I'm talking to you."

"Don't mind him," I said. "He's just my ex-best friend in the whole wide world."

"Ouch," Drake winced.

"Tell me about it, Draco. Let's go play some theater games, big boy," I said as the teacher called us to the stage. Miley winked at me as she dashed to meet up with Jake. Drake pulled me up by the hands, letting his linger on mine for a moment longer the necessary.

I looked up to find Oliver staring at us, fury in his eyes.

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That night, Robbie Ray and Jackson went to a Laker Game, leaving Miley and I alone in the house. Miley ordered a bunch of Chinese food, all of my favorites, and I could tell she had done it on purpose. When the food came, she set it down on the table in front of the TV and plopped down next to me on the ground with plastic forks. She handed me the chow mein and a fork, smiling.

"Dig in," she said brightly.

I put it back down. "I'm not hungry."

"Lily, you didn't eat breakfast. Or lunch. You've got to be hungry," Miley reasoned.

"I should be, but I'm not," I said firmly. She pushed the food back into my hands.

"Yes, you _are." _

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are!"

"I'm not hungry!" I shouted.

"YES YOU ARE!" she yelled, standing up. I stood as well.

"I'm not hungry! Is that _okay _with you? I swear to God, ever since you found out about that _one _time you monitor what I eat like I'm your pet or something! Ohhh let's all watch this strange female! What will she eat next? How will she react when we shove food down her throat?" I screamed.

"Maybe I wouldn't be worrying if you didn't look like a fucking twig!" Miley yelled back at me.

"Oh please! I'm not that thin. Don't flatter me!" I snarled.

"Ha! I told you! You want to be a twig!"

"Stop twisting my words!"

"You need help!"

"I don't need any help. Especially not from you!" I shouted before storming out of the house. I began to sprint, and before I knew it, my feet had carried me back to that same sandbox that I had slept in a few nights before.

I sat on the edge, sobbing again. I pulled a picture out of the back pocket of my jeans, one I had put in after I had ripped it out of my locker. It was a picture of Miley, Oliver, and I. Miley was on the left blowing a kiss to the camera. I was grinning from my position in the middle. Oliver had his arms around my waist, smiling like a little kid. I stared at it through my tears and slowly tore Miley out of the picture, leaving just Oliver and I.

Even slower, with shaking hands, I pulled Oliver and I apart. Our picture selves were still beaming, but they looked odd. I had been leaning on him, but now, I was floating on nothing. He had his arms wrapped around air. The entire picture just looked out of place in pieces at my feet.

I felt a presence behind me and I whipped around with a gasp. Standing behind me was none other then Oliver. Our eyes met in the dark.

"Lily, we need to talk."

**Author's Note: Yes! Chapter ten done! Milestone! I'm trying to bring Lily's eating disorder into it more, but I'm running out of ways to work it in given all of the new drama. Expect more of that kind of conflict, though. I hope you all liked the Miley/Lily confrontation. And expect a **_**real **_**Lily and Oliver confrontation, where they actually **_**talk **_**next chapter. **

**And what do you all think of Drake so far? I have a plan for him, but if most people don't want him around, I might just write him out.**


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